Robert Dukes's Request (26 Nov 2018)

I need help reviewing my argumentative essay for my English class. I want to make sure I have it formatted correctly in MLA and also that the flow of the essay and the strength of my argument holds weight with the sources I provide in the paper. Please let me know what I can do to improve my paper. Thank You!
ENGL 1101

submitted: Nov 26, 2018
responded: Nov 26, 2018
  • method: email
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  • Maria Batty (admin)
    Nov. 26, 2018, 2:42 p.m.

    Dear Robert/Garrett, Thank you for sending your essay to Athena. You should not use 1st or 2nd person or contractions, nor should you refer to yourself or your paper in your paper. You need to proofread carefully to catch grammatical errors such as fragments and sloppy mistakes like not capitalizing “United States.” Look also at the acronym NCIS: I don’t think it’s correct. In your Thousand Oaks discussion, you leap from gun control to mental illness in a way I do not understand. How is it the mental health system’s fault that someone can circumvent strict gun control laws and get a firearm? In your conclusion, I don’t understand your reference to the humanity of mass shooters. Where did you discuss that? Do not open or close paragraphs with quotes: Always use your own words to make a “quote sandwich.” Also, don’t pose rhetorical questions: Make statements. I hope you find these comments helpful. If you don't understand how to organize your paper around a thesis statement or how to recognize and correct the types of errors I’ve mentioned, come into a lab to work with a tutor face to face, or post specific questions here on Athena. Also, handouts are available at https://success.students.gsu.edu/ltc. Click on Handouts on the left, and then Grammar and Writing Handouts. Good luck! If you have a moment, please cut and paste this address into your browser, and take our survey. Thanks! https://gsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6hzzM9kX7sy9aJf

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