Alexis Bailey's Request (26 Nov 2018)

Hello, Please review my paper in detail and send it to this email address. It's a peer review requirement that I need for a grade in this class. The paper is argumentative and persuasive. I need to make sure that I have followed all MLA guidelines with clear the opening statement, three or more topics with support, proper MLA citations and sources and anything else that you may find within the document. Please Alexis Bailey
ENGL 1101

submitted: Nov 26, 2018
responded: Nov 26, 2018
  • method: email
1 Comment:
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  • Maria Batty (admin)
    Nov. 26, 2018, 3:49 p.m.

    Dear Alexis, Thank you for sending your essay to Athena. You don’t say if it’s supposed to be informative (also called expository) or persuasive (also called argumentative). It seems more informative. You can find handouts on how to organize both kinds of essay at our website, Click on Handouts on the left, and then Grammar and Writing Handouts. You should not have one-sentence paragraphs, and that first sentence is a run-on: “that has made them” should be “, which has made them” or “; that has made them.” Many of your sentences do not make sense. For example: “The presidential election between Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton in 2016 came from electronic ballots that generated votes were casted for citizens who were not physically present and even changed some of their votes.” The sentence is not grammatical, and “came from” is not a good verb here: The election didn’t “come from” ballots; it was decided by ballots, but not only electronic ones that were fraudulently cast, which is what you imply. And that implication needs a source. Where did you read that? I wonder if you are confusing early voting with electronic voting. For example, here you also throw in mail-in ballots, which are paper: “While both groups agree that the electronic voting extends time to help those who are running late because it gives an extra vote to their political candidate, it has also created longer wait times and has even rejected the ballots received through mail. ‘Gwinnett County rejected 390 absentee ballots through Sunday, which represents 8.5 percent of all mailed ballots received due to insufficient oaths’ (Estep & Niesse).” You can also find a handout on MLA format for in-text citations and the Works Cited page. You are missing important pieces of information such as publication dates and URLs. The first word or two (usually author names) of every Works Cited entry MUST appear in the paper, either parenthetically or as part of your sentence. The in-text citation should not come from the middle of the entry, such as “Patch.” I hope you find these comments helpful. If you don't understand how to organize your paper around a thesis statement or how to recognize and correct the types of errors I’ve mentioned, come into a lab to work with a tutor face to face, or post specific questions here on Athena. Also, handouts are available at Good luck! If you have a moment, please cut and paste this address into your browser, and take our survey. Thanks!

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