Sarah Gordon's Request (27 Nov 2018)

How should I end my second to last paragraph (the one about academics)? A couple of in-text citations are pretty lengthy.. How do I cut them down? In my introduction paragraph I used a lot of statistics. They're all from the same source so how do I cite them? Do I have to cite it after every sentence or can I put it at the end of the paragraph? Did I use too much research and not enough of my own voice? Thanks!
ENGL 1101

submitted: Nov 27, 2018
responded: Nov 28, 2018
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  • Maria Batty (admin)
    Nov. 28, 2018, 9:37 a.m.

    Dear Sarah, Thank you for sending your essay to Athena. I notice that you are using contractions: Don’t. Use the “Find” function to search for an apostrophe, and make sure each one shows possession and not contraction. Be careful to keep a formal tone. Also, sometimes you hyphenate the noun “high school,” and sometimes you don’t. You should be consistent. I think your intro is pretty clearly cited to “Short Sleep Duration.” If the 8:03 statistic came from there, too, you might want to push the in-text citation back a little to include it. Since your essay is persuasive (or argumentative), you should end that second-to-last paragraph with a sentence of your own emphasizing that the information you just provided supports later start times. Your conclusion is too short, though: Add a sentence about each of your thesis points to fill it out. Your in-text citations do not have to provide the entire article title: That’s why they’re so long. Just the first two or three words will suffice—enough so that your reader can tell one title from another. However, if the article has an author, you should use the last name for the in-text citation (up to two; then say “Author et al.”). I’m surprised that some of the scholarly journal articles you cite don’t have authors. You should double-check that. Also make sure each entry on the Works Cited page is cited in the paper. For example, I didn’t see Wheaton mentioned in the paper. I hope you find these comments useful. If you want more help, come into a lab to work with a tutor face to face, or post specific questions here on Athena. Also, handouts are available at https://success.students.gsu.edu/ltc. Click on Handouts on the left, and then Grammar and Writing Handouts. Good luck! If you have a moment, please cut and paste this address into your browser, and take our survey. Thanks! https://gsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6hzzM9kX7sy9aJf

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