Emily Park's Request (28 Nov 2018)

Hello, I would like advice on how to improve my draft so far! I still have more paragraphs to add, but I would appreciate if someone could look over my introduction and the body paragraphs I have. To give some context, our essay topic was to write a persuasive research essay.
ENGL 1101

submitted: Nov 28, 2018
responded: Nov 28, 2018
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  • Maria Batty (admin)
    Nov. 28, 2018, 10:28 a.m.

    Dear Emily, Thank you for sending your draft to Athena. You could improve your paper with a stronger thesis statement. “Due to the risks involved and for greater safety” are really the same reason. A template for a persuasive essay is something like this: Although some people think ___________, in fact ________ because ____, ____, and __________. Then you have a paragraph of opposition and a body paragraph explaining each of your reasons. Alternatively, you could include opposition in each of your body paragraphs: Open with your topic sentence, back it up, acknowledge the opposition, and reiterate your position before transitioning to the next body paragraph. When your source has two authors, cite them both in text: (Smith and Jones 5). Your second sentence has a comma splice. I hope you find these comments helpful. If you don't understand how to organize your paper around a thesis statement or how to recognize and correct the types of errors I’ve mentioned, come into a lab to work with a tutor face to face, or post specific questions here on Athena. Also, handouts are available at https://success.students.gsu.edu/ltc. Click on Handouts on the left, and then Grammar and Writing Handouts. Good luck! If you have a moment, please cut and paste this address into your browser, and take our survey. Thanks! https://gsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6hzzM9kX7sy9aJf

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