Ana Nava's Request (25 Apr 2019)

Hello, I would like some feedback on a research essay I had for my 1101 english class. For this assignment, we were to choose a topic of our liking. I chose the topic of Gun control. More specifically, I chose to write on having stricter gun regulation in America. So, I would please want a review on my essay regarding: content, tone, organization, and grammatical errors. Overall, I hope to get specific feedback, because I need a good grade on this assignment. IF possible I need the feedback by tomorrow at 8 pm for submitting at 9 pm tomorrow. Also, my essay is not completed. So I attach what I have so far.
ENGL 1101

submitted: Apr 25, 2019
responded: Apr 25, 2019
  • method: email
1 Comment:
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  • Maria Batty (admin)
    April 25, 2019, 3:06 p.m.

    Dear Ana, Thank you for sending your rough draft to Athena. Without the professor’s instructions, I can’t be sure you’re addressing the prompt (expository? persuasive?). Regardless, by using 1st person, you are not maintaining a formal academic tone. Your thesis statement is weak because it does not provide an essay map. Unless your professor specifically said not to, you should lay out the reasons for your position in the thesis statement, and each should be discussed in its own body paragraph. That’s what organizes your essay. I can’t address content or grammatical errors because what you’ve sent me is really just raw notes. Quotes open but don’t close; statistics are incoherent and uncited; sentences trail off or start in the middle. You are unrealistic in asking for a response one hour before you submit the paper. You haven’t even finished writing it, and an hour will not be enough time for you to revise the paper before submitting it. We do not revise the paper for you. I hope you find these comments helpful. If you don't understand how to organize your paper around a thesis statement or how to recognize and correct the types of errors I’ve mentioned, come into a lab to work with a tutor face to face (we have five locations), or post specific questions here on Athena. Also, handouts are available at Click on Handouts on the left, and then Grammar and Writing Handouts. Good luck! If you have a moment, please cut and paste this address into your browser, and take our survey. Thanks!

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