Won jung Jang's Request (20 Jun 2019)

Hi I wrote an essay for the reader response essay and I need help with mla formats and expressions. I did proofread it but I wanted to check if all my tenses were right, whether it is all in first or third person and finally if there are any awkward sentences or expressions that I need to change. Also, I want to see if the paragraphs fit the requirements and whether the essay is ok as a compare or contrast essay. I'd like to know if there are any more things or expressions that I need to add to it. My creative response is a drawing of a cactus and I related it with the main theme of the poem "Still I Rise". Would there be any more changes that I need to make in order to get a better grade? Thank you.
ENGL 1102

submitted: Jun 20, 2019
responded: Jun 21, 2019
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  • Maria Batty (admin)
    June 21, 2019, 11:49 a.m.

    Dear Won Jung Jang, Thank you for sending your essay to Athena. Without the professor’s instructions, I can’t be sure that you’re answering the prompt. Is it supposed to be a compare/contrast essay? Those have a specific format and usually compare similar things. You are using the cactus more as a metaphor. Also, I’m not sure what you mean by “if the paragraphs fit the requirements.” Did the professor specify requirements? You have some subject-verb agreement errors, such as “conditions … symbolizes” and “acts … does.” There are more. In each sentence, identify the verb(s) and trace each one back to its subject to make sure they match. Also, avoid contractions such as “isn’t.” You slip into 2nd person at the very end of the paper: “have confidence in yourself.” Idiomatically, we would say “reason for” rather than “reason of.” Prepositions are very tricky in English. You may want to bookmark this page for reference: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_English_prepositions. Here is an example of an awkward construction: “The author and cacti have desires to get a happy ending.” You can say it more simply and clearly: “The author and cacti desire a happy ending.” Professors often advise students to avoid the verbs “have,” “make,” “do,” and “be” in favor of more active and descriptive verbs. For example, instead of writing, “The artist has a studio where he makes paintings, does events, and is a teacher,” you can write, “The artist rents (or owns) a studio where he paints, hosts events, and teaches.” Using active verbs makes your writing more informative and lively. Also, your Works Cited entry is not quite correct. According to MLA 8th edition, it should look like this: Angelou, Maya. “Still I Rise.” Literature: An Introduction to Reading and Writing, editors Edgar V. Roberts and Robert Zweig, compact 6th edition, Pearson, 2015, pp. 885-886. Only the book title (Literature: An Introduction to Reading and Writing) should be in italics. I hope you find these comments helpful. If you don't understand how to organize your paper around a thesis statement or how to recognize and correct the types of errors I’ve mentioned, come into a lab to work with a tutor face to face (we have five locations), or post specific questions here on Athena. Also, handouts are available at https://success.students.gsu.edu/ltc. Click on Handouts on the left, and then Grammar and Writing Handouts. Good luck! If you have a moment, please cut and paste this address into your browser, and take our survey. Thanks! https://gsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_1SlyViJ6skhPJcN

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